How Most of Love is Lost

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Hi y'all,

We're starting this thing off with a quote from poet Khalil Gibran:

BETWEEN WHAT IS SAID AND NOT MEANT,

AND MEANT AND NOT SAID,

MOST LOVE IS LOST.

I don't know about you, but I woke up to find the internet a little loud this morning. To be fair, it's been loud for a while now. All in all, I find it tiring - like it's a digital preschool, mid fire alarm. You know? On the chaotic side, hard to tell what's happening. In theory, someone is in charge...but right now, cheerios are flying.

And that's not the queue for us to veer into politics. (That's beyond my scope of practice.)

I've just been thinking about vocalization. Aka, how people talk - their tone, volume, articulation, and flow of thought. In the mental health field, therapists are supposed to note their clients' speech patterns. (Yeah, I'm giving away our secrets.) We listen for pace. Do you sound rushed? Pressured? Slow? Lethargic? We also listen for content and coherency.

Why mention that? Because I think there's something to rethink here, amidst the digital preschool chaos, regardless of delving into cultural and political specifics. But before we do that, I'll repeat the quote from earlier.

BETWEEN WHAT IS SAID AND NOT MEANT,

MEANT AND NOT SAID,

MOST LOVE IS LOST.

Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy, edited by Inklivity

Here's what I'm wondering.

1/ What are we saying, and not meaning?

What are we saying in meetings, conversations with family members, or to ourselves, that we aren't actually meaning? And I'm not talking about the truth slipping out – that's saying what we mean, even if we didn't mean to say it. I'm talking about the verbal stray bullets. The reactionary response that's got an unnecessary edge. For me, the epitome of this song is, Trust Me, I Lie (Joshua Ledet's cover linked for the music lovers out there). See the chorus below.

When I say I don't love you,

You're the last thing on my mind,

Baby, you can trust me,

Trust me I lie.

Here's one of my personal takeaways:

What are we saying, that we don't mean, because we're too scared to tell the truth?

Or, to put it another way:

Where is fear making you a liar?

2/ What are we meaning, and not saying?

Some people might call this lying by omission. And there is that, to be sure. We could also talk about assertiveness and having hard conversations. But given the increasingly angry and divisive pitch of culture, I'm going to challenge us to reflect on what we're not saying, in a very specific area:

Who is precious to us,

that doesn't have a clue?

Who have you treasured in silence? What friend thinks they're periphery when they're a pillar in your life? What family member feels taken for granted, because you've held in your affection?

It's true you can't make people believe things.

But it's hard for them to believe something that's never been said.

WHAT LOVE WOULD YOU FIND,

IF YOU SAID WHAT YOU MEANT?

Sincerely,

Sarah